Pre-teen Boys & Inappropriate Behavior

As a mother of all boys, I face some challenges. Without any other females in the house besides their mother, boys tend to get rambunctious. My girlfriends, that have girls, endure much less jokes about bodily functions and general horseplay. They have their own challenges, of course, but I really feel it is beneficial for boys to have a sister. It gives them an in-house peer that they can relate to and learn how girls may have different boundaries.

But my boys don’t have a sister. This is why it is of the utmost importance to talk to boys about inappropriate behavior. I always talk to my boys about what it means to be a gentleman, and to have respect for yourself.

Some may feel that curse words are better to never touch the ears of their little ones, but I feel it is a part of our language and the best defense is a good offense. When I first spoke to my oldest about swearing, he had definitely heard some swear words. Whether it was on TV or a family member, it is important for older children to understand curse words and how and why they are used in our society. Why? Because without understanding, you risk your child saying words that they don’t understand are offensive, because they are hearing them used by their peers.

For example, one mistake I made myself when I was young was the use of the word ballsy. People may feel that the words ballsy isn’t offensive, but people shouldn’t make references to genitalia in polite company. I heard the word at school, in reference to someone being daring and outlandish. Imagine my mother’s surprise when I used the word that night at dinner! I just didn’t know what I was saying.

Sometimes kids are afraid to ask their friends what something means, they don’t want to seem dumb in front of them. So, they aren’t trying to be inappropriate, but ignorance can’t be an excuse for inappropriate behavior. Of course, you should also lead by example and not curse around your children.

So, you’ve taken all these precautions, talked to your kids about what is expected of them and what behavior is appropriate, and you think you’re good, right?

Not so fast.

You also have to talk to your kids about other types of inappropriate comments. Comments about others, even if they think they are being complimentary (“You’re so skinny!”) can get your child in trouble quickly. And this is almost more difficult to manage because pre-teens and teenagers always are jumping on the next witty fad, calling each other names and spouting off internet memes left and right. When you talk to them about it, they say “It’s not a big deal.” and “My friends think it’s funny, it doesn’t offend them.” And that’s what happened to me.

I got a call from my 7th grader’s school yesterday. It was the counselor and she had the daunting task of telling me that my baby boy made a girl feel uncomfortable. It’s not a call you ever want to receive.

I felt so awful, and wanted to make sure that the student was ok. For myself, I recall things being said to me at the same age that just made me wish I would be invisible. It shaped so much of my future, just not wanting to be noticed, especially by the opposite sex, because the embarrassment was unbearable. To think that my son had made someone feel that way is heartbreaking.

The counselor let me know that pre-teen boys are notorious for pushing the boundaries and venturing into the inappropriate range of behaviors. I was glad that she tried to reassure me that my son isn’t a deviant, but the important message was that it cannot happen again, or there will be serious consequences.

She told me that my son passed a note to the girl, in class, that said “I know you’re naked under those clothes.” My son denied doing this, but the message sounded all too familiar. I recalled back in the summer hearing my son and his friend laughing at such a joke. A quick Google search reveals this is an internet meme:

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Although the alleged note didn’t say slut on it, if this is well known amongst the kids these days, it seems it would be implied.

I imagined when I got home I would find a cow-eyed child afraid of the trouble he was in. Instead, I found him merrily doing his chores without a care in the world. I asked him how school was, and he said it was fine.

Talking to the counselor hadn’t even registered with him.

I let him know that the counselor had called me, and he replied that the school was over-reacting. HUGE RED FLAG! It was time for a serious talk.

It wasn’t clear to him that it was the student that complained, and he had assumed that the behavior was witnessed by a teacher or staff member and reported. He further explained that he and his friend tickle and poke each other and it was no big deal.

I never condone a “They’re over-reacting” response. If someone finds it serious enough to pull you out of class and into their office to speak to you, you should listen up!

When I explained that it was a student that was in certain classes with him that reported it, he quickly realized that the person the counselor was talking about was not in his close circle of friends and/or in on the joke, as he had originally thought.

I felt the need to explain to him that even his friends may not be the best at letting him know when he is annoying them. At this age, kids may just giggle and put up with bad behavior by their peers because they don’t want to be a stick in the mud or they are shy, and that he, as a shy person, should understand how uncomfortable it can be to confront someone that is bothering you.

It was a perfect time to remind him that he is at school to learn, not to joke and play around with his friends. He should behave appropriately, keep his hands to himself and leave the jokes for after school.

I got back in touch with the school today, to let them know I had spoke to my 7th grader. The counselor seemed really surprised that I had put in the effort to follow up with my child. That is a sad commentary on the state of parenting these days, but I’ll save that for another post.

People may feel they need to side with their kid, when dealing with people in the community, like schools and other parents. But ignorance will not shield your children from the consequences and neither should you. You should be on the side of knowledge and let your child understand what is and is not accepted in our society, and you should be specific. Never assume they know what you mean. It has been my experience that children understand way less that they would admit.

Sleep

Sleep is so important.

Try functioning on little to no sleep if you doubt the importance of good sleep. For the past couple of weeks, it seems that our family has gotten off their sleep schedule.

Currently, I arrive home from work dead on my feet. One day, I actually laid down right after work, and napped for over an hour. Last night, we slept from 9:30 pm to 1:00 am, sat up for a few hours, and fell back to sleep around 4:00 am and had to get up again at 7:00 am.

This just won’t do. Now, we have to begin the process of adjusting our schedule.

The first step to getting back on track is no more naps. While a power nap of 20 minutes or so shouldn’t hurt your regular sleep habits, that same nap can kill your ability to sleep through the night if you are having trouble sleeping.

When you are off your sleep schedule, it is also important to wake up at the same time every day. It is tempting to sleep in longer on the weekend and catch up on your sleep, but that further disrupts your sleep schedule.

Finally, pay extra attention to your diet. Are you getting plenty of water? Do you have too much caffeine in the afternoon? Are you having a sugary dessert after your dinner? You need to cut it out and watch anything that you ingest that can be perking you up later that night.

Follow these tips and you will be yawning and sleepy at night and will soon be sleeping through the night.

My Thanksgiving and Black Friday Plans

My parents came over from Ireland in the 60’s, so there were many things that we as children enjoyed with a twist as first generation Americans. One of those events was Thanksgiving. I clearly remember my mother telling me when I was in grade school that she didn’t understand the Thanksgiving tradition, back home in Ireland, they were just thankful they had anything. It was mostly a disruption to their everyday life. While the parents of my friends extolled their long held family traditions, passed down from generation to generation, we had to build our own, because no one in our family had ever celebrated the holiday before.

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From the Cavender Brothers

Some traditions, my mother pulled from the images she saw on TV. Cranberry sauce seems to be one of these, as we never had cranberry sauce on any other day of the year. In almost a perfunctory manner, my mother would get the can opener, open up obligatory can, and slap it’s contents on a plate. The ultimate leftovers queen, she wouldn’t even save what was left behind, which was a lot. I hate cranberry sauce. Really, I’ve never tried it.

I tend to shy away from foods that have a squishy texture, and this looked as unappetizing as you could get. There really is no excuse for this shameless lack of knowledge. I live in a area filled with cranberry bogs. Therefore, my first goal of this Thanksgiving,

Make homemade cranberry sauce

It has been my experience that foods I don’t like, have been ill-prepared on my first tasting. The first time I had venison, it was made by a lady that loved salt and used it with abandon. The result was a boiled salty meat that was as unappealing in taste as it was to look at. I came upon this revelation when I ate some brussel sprouts at a fancy restaurant. When I first had them (probably at a friends house), they were too hard, and tasted like boiled leaves. But the creation I had at the restaurant showed me that brussel sprouts could be delicious.

When I discussed our Thanksgiving menu with my husband and he mentioned cranberry sauce, I knew it was time for me to confront the jellied mass from my childhood.

I’ve decided to use a recipe from the Cavender brothers, posted to their blog last year. It calls for 6 simple ingredients; honey, apple, lime, agave syrup, orange juice, and of course, cranberries. Do you make your own? What is your recipe? Include it in the comments below.

Other than that, we will have the same menu as last year, including turkey, mash, green bean casserole, and dinner rolls. We like to keep it simple.

There will most likely be a family walk after dinner and football watching. Hopefully, there will be so much gratitude flowing, that someone will do the dishes!

And if I find myself less than thankful to live in a house full of rambunctious boys, I have been given an open invitation to sleep over at my Mom’s house (Thanks Mom!). This is because the plan is for herself, my sister and I to get up super early Friday morning and

Go Black Friday shopping

One American tradition my Irish mother has fully embraced is Black Friday shopping. Ever the savings glutton, it has long been her standard Thanksgiving evening activity to gather all the sale papers and plan out how she could save the most money.

I have tagged along in the past, usually just ferrying their packages from the store to the car and in general be helpful.
This year though, I have long Christmas list, no longer filled with toys, but electronics. Since Black Friday can be a great time to buy electronics, I am doing my homework this year.

Tip #1 The first weapon in my cash savings arsenal is gift cards. I have purchased discounted gift cards from websites such as Raise.com and traded in my Verizon Smart Rewards points to get more discounted gift cards. Using these gift cards is like getting an extra 10% your total purchase. The best part is that unlike coupons, nothing is excluded. You can get 10% or more off clearance items, luxury items, electronics, and beauty products.

Tip #2 Another tools for the savings-crazed are credit cards with cash back rewards. There are many cards out there, but everyone should have at least one that offers straight cash back. I won’t delve into the card details here, you know which one you have that offers the best rewards. I have the card all paid off, and ready to go.

This year, it is a little nerve-racking using credit because we have just sworn off credit cards a couple of months ago when we enacted our debt reduction plan. This can be a slippery slope, like the alcoholic that decides to just have one drink at the office party. If this worries you too, do what I will be doing, paying the balance of the card that day. So, whatever I pay on Friday, for my great deals, Friday evening, I will be sitting down to tally the cost, and send that payment to my credit card company.

Tip #3 I could never master my Mom’s skill of remembering the prices of everything on her list. She really is impressive, she would kill it on ‘Price is Right’. So, as we tend to do in these modern times, I got an app for that.

I use Flipp on my iPhone to keep track of all the sale papers for my area. The app also has a coupons section which matches up available coupons to sales in your area. Plus, when I see something at a store and wonder what the price is at a competitor’s store, I can just look at their sales ad on my phone. This also comes in handy for stores that have price matching.

Do you shop Black Friday? what are your tried and true methods? Please share them in the comments below.

So, there I will be, fattened and broke on Saturday morning. Which leads me to my final goal for this holiday week,

Rock my high school reunion

There really is not a good time to meet up with people you haven’t seen in years, but fitting into a cocktail dress immediately after Thanksgiving is not an ideal situation. Plus, since I’m trying to save so much money on Friday, it doesn’t make sense to blow my hard earned savings on a dress I’ll hardly ever wear. So, I’ll just wear the black dress I have in my closet for funerals and spice it up with some color.

My focus has been on having some fabulous makeup for the event, as I didn’t wear makeup in high school at all, I think the contrast will be enough to fool some people into thinking I’ve really made it.

I could feel the pressure start to build, knowing that some of my old classmates are important business people in Boston and New York. Going to cocktails is a Tuesday evening for them. Gladly, I got in touch with some of my old friends this weekend, and found they too are nail-biting over baby weight that is still hanging around, and a lack of sophistication in their post-natal wardrobe. I gave this advice “Wear something you are comfortable in, rather than the latest style that makes you squirm. You’ll shine more when you are comfortable and have more fun.”

So, I’ll take my own advice, wear something comfortable and enjoy the time with my old friends. But I will absolutely strive to get the best smokey eye I can get!

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The hot mama look

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Just Say YES!

To keep your sanity, just say NO YES!!

There are many sources of advice on how to say “No.” An internet search will pull up many tips and hints on how to say no to people to lower your stress and increase your productivity. I’m going to tell you the opposite – just say YES!

With the myriad of things each day we have to do, choose to do or do because we finally have two minutes of down time, it is important to limit how thin you spread yourself. Only, that isn’t what people are doing. We end up saying no to family time and yes to more work.

I’m not economy expert, but I can see people happy to still have a job, while they watched coworkers laid off or forced into early retirement. It certainly doesn’t seem like a good time to ask for that vacation time off, does it? Sometimes, the work of those that have gone is foisted upon you, as the positions at your job go unfilled.

So, when you shuffle on home at the end of the day, you just need to relax. We’ve been told, letting stress build up is no good for your health. So, you have to take action to control your stress. Maybe you workout to combat stress. Maybe you eat your feelings. Whatever your plan (or non-plan) may be, you have your routine to keep your sanity. So, when your family asks you to change that, it is understandable why you might get a little nervous and cling to your routine with a resounding “No.”

Work commute

Even though this is part of my commute, I still need to de-stress when I get home from work.

All work and no play makes Supermom a dull girl. It’s a good thing I’m not yet Supermom, because I can set my routine aside and get me some yes.

If you follow my blog, you may know I’ve been suffering some leg pain, and recently was told I have a bone tumor in my femur. So, when my husband asked me out of the blue to go for a walk with him one evening after work, I definitely had a valid excuse. When I opened my mouth to answer him, “Yes.” came out instead. It wasn’t a long walk and we didn’t break a sweat, but I had a chance to connect with my husband, which I would have missed out on had I declined his invitation.

My 12-year-old suddenly emerged from his room, which is a rare circumstance indeed, and asked if he could watch TV with me. I had too much to do to play couch potato in the middle of the afternoon, he must see how busy I am. “Sure.” As we watched one of his favorite shows, he started telling me about the people on the show. Then we ended up having a conversation about his future, and that he may not want to go to the regular high school, here in our town. Even though all his friends will be going there, he thinks he wants to go to the Technical High School. Now, we could have discussed this later, he has the rest of this year and next school year to decide. But I was there for him, and now we both know that when he needs a sounding board, I’ll be there for him.

I am by no means a superfan of sports, but I like cheering for the local teams, and this time of year that means watching Patriot’s games. (I love the Bruins, but the channel their games is broadcasted on, is not in our cable package, BOO COMCAST!). Then, the baby indicated he wanted to explore outside. The sun was going down, and it would be getting cool. I was all comfy, settled in to watch the game. Don’t I deserve some “Me” time?

Instead, I said “Okay.” and outside we went, where this happened:

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Maybe that isn’t so much, but I bet it meant something to him, more than looking at the leaves through the glass door, or hearing me cheer for the Patriots. Then something even better happened. My husband came outside to join us and snapped this picture of me and the baby:IMG_0923

That’s my hubby’s finger in the upper right hand corner, but who cares? I love this picture. And all I had to do was say “Yes.” So, go out there and get yourself all of the Yes you can squeeze in.

What did you say yes to today?

I Agree with Kayne West: A Plea to Designers of Apps for Toddlers

My world does not cross with Kayne West’s world very often. (Read: at all). He is a famous celebrity, a rapper, record producer and fashion designer. I am your average working mom just trying to make sense of my world. With the vast differences in our experiences, it is little wonder I don’t share many of his views on things. I couldn’t begin to fathom what his life is like.

So when I heard about his tweet regarding in-app purchases on games for toddlers a few weeks ago, I, for one, could finally relate to the guy. I hope by now, he has managed to turn on the parental controls on his iPad to keep North from running up any more bills. Kim seems to know all about it so she can help him out.

But even with the in-app purchasing disabled, it is extremely frustrating for not only the parent, but also the child when they are trying to use, what is advertised as, a game for kids. Let’s take for example, my toddler’s favorite game: EduKidsRoom by Cubic Frog. Just typing that, I sang the little opening like the children in the app. I can’t help, it is the #1 thing my son likes to open when he gets his mitts on my iPad. It is one of the apps I don’t mind him using, because it shows him letters and colors. He always gets excited when yellow shows up, and cheers “Yellow” just like the kids in the game. It is marked as for ages 2 to 6, and my son is only 18 months old, so to be fair, he is using the game outside of the suggested parameters. Here is a shot of the opening screen:

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But seconds later, you get this screen:

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This ad pops up shortly after you open the app. I mean – just look at it. Of course the baby has tapped it, because he doesn’t know any better. It is bright and colorful. It’s baby click-bait!

The pause before it shows up is just long enough that your finger is already in motion to hit the “Play” button. Even I have been tricked into clicking on the pop-up ad. It opens up the company’s website on Safari, and you are no longer in the game. The baby has already learned to hit the Home button to exit out and reopen the game again, only to once again have the pop up ad redirect him. He gets frustrated and abandons it. So, to resolve the issue, I bought the full version, through the handy-dandy ads placed in the game.

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IMG_0852But even then, there are links to places baby doesn’t want to go, like a website by Cubic Frog for parents, a link to rate the app and of course a link to the App Store, so you can buy more Cubic Frogs games. It seems you are supposed to tap and hold for these items to open, but they open with a regular tap too. Not that it would matter, because toddlers don’t differentiate between tapping and holding and just tapping. The baby is drawn to tapping on these links because they are colorful buttons, and the baby is coo-coo for buttons right now. (He takes an enormous amounts of selfies, because he can’t help but press that shiny red button in the camera app.)

It seems a simple enough solution to start the game for him, so he doesn’t see the home screen, to access these links, but seeing that the only button on the iPad is the Home button, he frequently exits the game only to reopen it. With this particular app, it returns to the main screen, no matter how briefly you’ve left the app.

So now that someone like Kanye has expressed his frustration with these kid’s apps, let’s use this visibility to make a plea to app designers for toddlers: Stop the nonsense!

(I wonder if this will be part of Kanye’s platform when he runs for President in 2020?)

Making Friends

I remember when my son first took the basketball court. I was so proud a tear came to my eye.

I played in school, and was very good. All I wanted for my son was a chance for him to have the great experience that I did with organized sports. The camaraderie of  defeating your opponents together. What could bring you closer?

It started of well, with me cheering him from the sidelines, but all too soon I realized my cheers had become constructive criticism. “Pass the ball!” “Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!” “Watch the ball!”

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw my son talking out around the three-point mark with a player from the other team. Over the noise of the gym, I could still make out what they were talking about, they were that far away from the play. They were talking about Thomas the Tank Engine.

“Get your head in the game!” My son rattled, turned his head with a start, and tried to comply. I wish I hadn’t turned into that mom, but I had. It would be best if I could have controlled myself without learning the lesson the hard way. In a way, I’m glad I got it out of my system so early. We still had more than half the season left, and in that moment, yelling from the sidelines, I could see a truth about my child that I had all too conveniently ignored. He is not competitive. And that is fine with me. He just wanted to make friends.

Friends

We had just moved from Virginia to Massachusetts and my son saw basketball as a place to forge friendships. In his young wisdom, he knew sport can bring people together, in victory or defeat. Once I saw that he wasn’t there to crush his enemies, I recognized his attempts to be friendly. The remainder of the season, I kept my mouth shut, and offered praise after each game. “That was a great pass!” “Your shot was so close, maybe next time, bud!”

Then something wonderful happened. He made a shot, and his face was priceless. I had another tear well up in my eye. I didn’t miss it because I was relaxed and enjoying the game, instead of trying to coach him from the sidelines. But he didn’t look to me when it happened, he had his teammates congratulate him, and that is why he was there. To have friends.

With my competitive nature, I can truly understand if you are unable to get to the zen state, where you watch calmly from the sidelines, and let the team coach instruct your child. A small suggestion to those who need to be involved, volunteer, get a team of your own to coach, and instruct the athletes of the future. Then take your coach hat off and enjoy your kid’s game. Maybe they’ll even win when they aren’t distracted by all your yelling and screaming.

Being Present in the Moment

As parents, we have many responsibilities, ambitions, tasks and burdens. Corporations should thank us, because multi-tasking was undoubtedly created by parents. With technology making our tasks more accessible, i.e. mobile banking, online shopping and even an APP to help us talk to our kids, we are being driven to produce more results, more often.

In my childhood, I remember clear boundaries being drawn in regards to my parents’ time. When my mother sat down each month and handled our bills, we were not to bother her. My siblings and I would find something to do, and if we argued about it, we kept it down because Mum was busy and interrupting her was not an option. We weren’t scared to interrupt her, we weren’t under threat of punishment and we weren’t all that considerate that we left her be simply because disturbing her concentration was rude. My parents’ boundary lines taught us to prioritize our needs, so that everything we experienced wasn’t an emergency.

Well thank goodness I don’t have to set boundaries! I can just do all those things on my phone while I attend to my children’s every need and want!

Wait a second… but that isn’t a good idea.

Aside from the fact that children do need to be taught boundaries, I am doing no one a service by splitting my attention in too many directions at once. Can I really enjoy their performance at the soccer game, if I’m making my shopping list through my grocer’s weekly ad app? Am I really listening to the song my son made up on his guitar, if I’m running through a To-Do list in my mind? Will I hear the baby’s first word, if I’m listening to the news while making dinner? Probably not.

I have often struggled in my life to be present in the moment. I barely remember my college graduation, with all the logistics of my whole family coming in from out-of-state, getting them checked in to their hotels and figuring out what restaurant could accommodate us, I forgot to stop and take a picture. I had no pictures of my graduation ceremony, or myself in my cap and gown. The professional photographer at the event only has a picture of me hurrying back to my seat. I couldn’t even take a moment on the stage, to savor the culmination of my college career. I had to throw my gown back on, late that night at the hotel, and snap a few pics.

These days, I’m slowing down a little. It is important to me to make these memories not only last, but exist! Making memories is an active participation task. You must do your part to not only plan these things we do with our family, but you must participate as well. I have gotten a little better at it now that I’m more mature, but I wish I knew these things when I was younger, especially as technology has become a larger part of my life.

These are a few tips, that I would have given to my younger self:

Life isn’t made up of ambitions

When I was small, I was a bit of a dreamer, and spent much of my time planning my future. I’m not talking about the normal run-of-the-mill “I want to be an astronaut” day dreaming. I mean I did research, made lists and planned it out, I even had a list of dogs I wanted to own! (Although, I DID want to be an astronaut, very much so, for about 6 months.)

Now that I am older, I realize life isn’t about the specific job you hold, things you own or places you visit. It is the attempts to achieve your ambitions. It is the memories you create for yourself and others. Especially when you have children. Those memories will hold value to your children when they’ve grown, and they will pass those values to their children.

Set a time to focus on your business, and take care of your business during that time.

When I come into my office during the day, I have time set aside for daily tasks, like running reports, checking emails and making phone calls. It works well at home too. When I get home, I have a little 30 minute routine that I go through that gets me up to speed with the rest of the family.  I talk to my husband, during this time I assess his stress level. If the baby has been crying all day and has worn him out, it is easy to tell. Because he is a man, he just says “The baby cried all day, I’m going to lay down, you’re up.” (A side note, I’ve encouraged my stay at home mom friends to use this line as frequently as needed.) My husband will fill me in on the day, what the baby did or didn’t do, and since I want to teach the baby to talk, I ask him about his day as well. Did he play with his favorite toy? Did he take a nap? Did he drink juice? He just sort of gazes at me happily, I can only assume glad to be part of the conversation. I check in with my older son the same way.

The reason I can take this time to connect with my family is because I have set aside time to deal with the business of running my house. It is so tempting when I see the mail by the door on my way in, to pick it up and start going through it, but knowing that I have time set aside to handle my correspondence leaves me free to check in with the rest of my clan. I planned dinner the evening before, so I’m not stuck trying to figure out what to eat and there is nothing thawed, or I need to go to the store for that one ingredient item, which somehow ran out. And the mail will be handled, just not in this moment.

My secret productive hour? It is actually in the morning. Since I’m blessed with a stay at home spouse, I don’t need to prepare the baby to leave the house for the day. Most days he is only waking up when I am leaving. I realize this is not everybody’s situation, and morning can be quite hectic. But take a look at your day and find that time you can get down to business. Then stick to it, everyday.

Note that it doesn’t have to be the same time everyday. On weekends, my productive hour can shift to just after lunch. Everyone is fed and happy, the baby takes a nap, and I have some quiet to deal with my responsibilities.

No one is saying emergencies won’t pop up, and thankfully we have the technology to make those easier to handle, but paying your electric bill at your kid’s dance recital is not one of them. Transferring funds into your checking account because your husband mixed up the debit card with the credit card might be.

During an activity, don’t worry about the mess.

My kitchen must be cleaned daily, as most people’s do. So, when I decided to do those Halloween food crafts two weeks ago, I started to notice that we were making a huge mess. I immediately shut that thought down.

How do you eat this thing?

How do you eat this thing?

That is the old me, the me without a graduation picture. When I shook the thought off, I caught a glimpse of my stepson opening his mouth super wide to bite into the skeleton pretzel brownies. I wouldn’t have missed that moment for anything, especially not a little extra mess in the kitchen. Ok, a super big mess. But who cares? I’m still going to have to sweep the floor. The odd thing is sweeping the entire floor takes about the same time with a little bit of dust as with a lot of pretzel salt and brownie crumbs. You’re still covering the same area. So, don’t worry about it and instead pay attention to what is happening in front of you.

You are responsible for you

Well, sort of…

You are responsible for your kids, yes, but can you make them feel differently about a moment by changing your behavior? No.

I really wasted so much time worrying about everyone feeling good in the moment, that I failed to notice how I felt about what was happening. When I look back at those memories, they are faded somehow. On my graduation day, I was totally worrying that everybody was comfortable, watching all the interactions between my friends and parents, looking out for my brother, in case there was an area he couldn’t take his wheelchair. But nothing I could have done or not done would have changed their day. It only changed my memory of the day. I definitely wasn’t thinking about how I felt about completing my degree and savoring the victory of a job well done.

Feelings go hand-in-hand with memories, and strong emotion can boost your memory. So, take a second to feel all the feels. And you don’t have to do this only at special family events, do it every day.

Pay attention to these tips, and when you look back, you won’t see lists, bills and your phone. You will see your life, made up of wonderful memories.

This post was inspired by the photography of Eric Pickersgill and blog post by

Ready to Try Again

When I suffered my miscarriage back in the summer, the question hung in the air; Would my husband and I like to try to conceive again?

This was a hard thing to think about while I dealt with my grief. I felt like there would be time later to decide this. Then we got the all clear from my doctor. We are physically able to try to conceive. But am I prepared mentally?

The miscarriage shattered the world I lived in previously. In that world, nothing bad could happen, I was a super pregnancy unicorn. With my first son, I was very sick and lost 30 lbs., due to my nausea. I couldn’t keep anything down. Somehow, he managed to grown to a whopping 9.5 lbs! I don’t know how I did it, but I did. With my second son, I was scared of giving birth. I was 11 years older and not in the great shape I was in at 25 years old. Would I be strong enough? Apparently, I was too strong, as I barely got into my first good push and the doctor yelped “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” – the baby was already out!

So, I felt like I was made to have babies. It just seemed to go well for me. Extreme nausea aside, most people didn’t even realize I was pregnant until I was almost due. My tall frame made for plenty of room for little ones to grow.

Back in the summer, in that doctor’s office, with no heartbeat to be found, I just knew it must be something wrong with the equipment. Things just work out for me, this couldn’t happen to me.

But it did happen.

Now, we have to decide if we want to try again. We are certain we want another child, but now the worries are around every corner. I am fallible.

The questions are many and none are productive thoughts. “What if it happens again?” “What if we struggle to get pregnant?” “What if the doctor missed something?” “Can I stand to go through that again?”

To dwell on negative thoughts such as these is not helpful, but they creep into your mind, and you can’t help it. Before, I would just assume things would be fine, but now, I know better. Things can go awry, for apparently no reason. But it’s in that fact that I find my hope to push past the negative fears in my head.

There was nothing I could have done to save my baby.

So, going forward, I can only do my best, and hope that we will be blessed once again with good news. I will use my fear to motivate me to a healthier state, both physically and mentally. Because to let my fear paralyze me will cause me to miss out on what’s to come.

Play with Your Food

Last week, I happened upon some great ideas for food crafts. With hope in my heart, I went to the store, bought the ingredients required, and set off to have a fun weekend with the kids. These ideas are by Robert Mahar , presented by Julianna Strickland. I loved the ideas immediately, but would the kids enjoy making them as well?

10426257_10208053654088187_3504280038095661407_nI set up at the kitchen table, made a one of each and called the boys into the room. Did anyone want to try or make things with me? The baby was, of course, very interested. All the items on the table just had him ready to create, or at least grab things and push them into his mouth. Then I looked at the faces of my 12 and 10 year-olds. Slightly more reserved than the baby’s reaction, they actually sat down at the table. Now, I just had to reel them in. I started with chocolate, because that is very hard to turn down. I pushed a plate of witch hat cookies towards them. Easy and fun to make, we just used some orange icing on the center of a Keebler’s Fudge Stripe cookies and pushed a Hershey’s Kiss onto the icing to make the point of the hat. 12115559_10208053653808180_5987752917513585714_n

Then, I hit them with the skeletons; a brownie base, with a pretzel spine, ribs and a marshmallow head. More fun to look at, but much more difficult to actually eat. The kids seemed to prefer making them to actually eating them. I have seen a few variations of this one, using a cupcake instead of a brownie, or leaving out the pretzels. If we were having a Halloween party this year, these would make fun centerpieces.

We had a failed attempt at making witches brooms, like the ones shown here. The cheese crumbled too easily, and the chives snapped apart when I tried to tie them. The apple peanut butter marshmallow teeth fell apart when the kids tried to put them into their mouths. Although they said they tasted yummy, I could tell they were disappointed that they couldn’t walk around and use them as false teeth.

I finished off our food fun with jack-o-lantern stuffed peppers, which I had been roasting in the oven while we were having our fun. My planning on this wasn’t best, since the kids were now filled with sweets and weren’t in the mood for something a little more substantial. Oops!

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I learned a few things – primarily, that you should have lunch first. But also, I had selected too many projects to do, which resulted in a long shopping list. Although, it is important to pick more than one project, because if it fails, you can quickly move on to the next fun project. You don’t want your kids shuffling back to their rooms disappointed with your craft fail. The reward for all this effort? An extremely messy kitchen, and the gratitude from my children. Yes, actually grateful that I took the time to do something with them. They said it was fun, and they enjoyed it.

I felt the meter move closer to supermom.